Its amazing to me how the absolute hunger, craving, NEED, for D/s attention and interaction can manifest itself. I suppose I've been conditioned over the last year or so to be satisfied with the little moments - the quick hair pulls, the hard slaps, the vicious kisses, the rare - all to rare - slam you against the wall and kiss the breath out of you moments. The little moments slack off from time to time, with life circumstances, and that has an interesting result. It leaves me vulnerable to even the slightest hint of a decent D/s interaction. It causes a situation in which things that shouldn't affect me - do - and take my breath away. I'm so hungry to hear HIS words in my mind, to feel my body sync to HIS, our heartbeats meld...that even the voice of a man I respond to a little bit giving me an order in THAT TONE...has a profound effect on me. Even the rough touch and naughty words of a boy - who until that time had struck me as submissive - calling me a dirty little slut and pulling my hair, then kissing my forehead...has me curled at his feet purring like a kitten.
Even now...I crave that interaction. Most especially from HIM, and, in HIS absence, from the one I respond to similarly. What is it with these men, who toss out little moments, little teases, little tastes, that barely keep my juices flowing...that is so fucking addictive? Why is it that I can spend hours in their presence, waiting for them to toss me a scrap of attention (feast on scraps by Alanis is coming to mind here) like a lost puppy dog, and when they do decide to show me the degree of attention I need...I respond tenfold?
And why - oh god why - does it thrill me so to know that, in those moments in which I was basking in their presence and waiting for a scrap, they were paying attention? They were learning? They were gathering information to use against me later - information to give them a direct line into my head.
THIS is why I am a submissive. As strong of a woman as I am, I NEED these interactions. A part of me NEEDS to feel that there is someone out there who knows me better than I know myself, who can turn me inside out on their whim, who can take control of my mind, my heart, and my body, whenever they so desire. And to know - beyond a shadow of a doubt, no matter how frustrating and aggravating and maddening at times it may be - that it WILL happen on THEIR whim...and not mine. And, knowing that, I know that, when it does....I WILL respond. I won't have a choice.
Ahhhhh....to know a good Dom....its a wonderful feeling....